


the dumbest genius alive

by desitonystark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Italian!Tony Stark, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Tony is an oblivious idiot, avengers as a family, but its okay, fade to black sexy times, his supersoldiers love him anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 21:48:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20216797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desitonystark/pseuds/desitonystark
Summary: in which Tony,Steve and Bucky have been dating for 6 months(if only someone had told Tony)





	the dumbest genius alive

**Author's Note:**

> #2: you think you’re so smart? what’s my middle name?
> 
> \--
> 
> requested by @definitely-nope on tumblr

The first thing everyone needed to know about Tony Stark was that he was very very smart.

like,

graduated MIT with 2 doctorates at 19 smart,

rediscovered an element from a theme-park model smart,

built a miniature arc reactor in a cave with a box of scraps smart.

The second thing everyone needed to know about Tony Stark was that he was very very dumb.

like,

somehow wasn’t aware that Rhodey switched out his MIT hoodie every 5 years dumb,

burned _water_ on multiple occasions dumb,

and most recently, was completely oblivious to the fact that he was dating 2 super soldiers dumb.

–

It started like this.

Steve brought his bestfriend back to the Tower looking like a two-bit hobo, Tony took one look at him, and parade-marched him into a shower.

He completely ignored all laws about basic human privacy, and instead bathed and dried down Barnes, dressed him in clothes he’d pulled out of Steve’s closets and put the Winter Soldier to bed like he was a 5 year old child, complete with italian nursery rhymes and a bedtime story about America’s great soldier Captain America.

It was the beginning of an arduous trek to recovery, and Tony’s blatant choice to wilfully ignore everything scary about Barnes did _wonders._

Barnes became James (and Winter Wonderland and Frosty and on one memorable occasion, Buckaboo) and he got _better._

And with him, so did Steve.

Steve stopped mournfully staring at empty walls and started going on runs, canvasing museums and took up art with a new vengeance.

Under Tony’s careful prodding and incessant need to insert himself into everything, the team watched the Brooklyn duo come _alive_ again.

(its honestly no wonder that they fell in love with him)

–

It continued something like this.

Natasha watched Steve and Yasha flit around the kitchen preparing breakfast for Tony, lay it out on the table in approximately 5 separate ways before he stumbled out of the workshop and then promptly collapsing against the counter in exhaustion.

Bruce watched as Steve left small post-it sketches all over the lab and Tony’s responding giggles everytime he found a new one, and was greeted to the sight of James staring abashedly at Tony’s ass when he was seated on his lap, fiddling with the metal arm.

Clint raged when James threw minute pieces of spaghetti at the back of neck during Mario Kart sessions with Tony, distracting him long enough to let Tony win and then throw himself into James’ arms in glee.

–

It ended something like this:

Tony’s date with Helen Cho made front page news in 4 newspapers and several other magazines and tabloids.

–

Tony’s broken out of his post-scienceing glow by a particularly loud _bang_ against his workshop desk.

He looks up to the angry _(has James been crying?) _faces of his two favourite Brooklyn boys, down to the newspaper on his table _(that really is a bad angle for him)_ and back to them.

“Can I help you?” he asks when nothing is forthcoming.

“You-” Steve splutters, “This is how you- there are better ways to break up with us Tony!”

“Okay back up _what?”_

“Finding out about your girl on the side on the front page of the Times isn’t a fun experience doll,” James intones and Tony knows he’s in trouble but frankly he’s having a hard time wrapping his head around this.

“Wait no what? Break up?”

“We were never together!!”

“We’ve been dating for 6 months!”

Tony crosses his arms, “If I was fucking you and James I would’ve noticed Steve. As it happens, my ass isn’t sore.”

“Tony did you genuinely not know we’ve been dating this entire time?”

“Doll we’ve been in love with you forever, and we thought you felt the same way”

“In love?” Tony’s brain is short-circuiting fast, “You barely know anything about me! How can you be in love with me?”

“We’ve been living together for 2 years, I feel like we know enough”

“You think you’re so smart? what’s my middle name?”

“Edward”

_fuck._

“Favourite fruit”

“Blueberries”

“Favourite flower”

“Trick question, you hate flowers”

Tony slumps back in his seat, face aghast, “we’ve been- and I never- why haven’t we kissed yet?”

James and Steve shrug, “We figured you wanted to take it slow, and we didn’t wanna push”

“I just got comfortable with physical touch doll, no way I was gonna try something until I was sure you were comfortable”

“You really didn’t know we were dating?”

Tony shakes his head softly.

“6 months huh?”

“So, that means we must’ve crossed the third date”

Steve nods, “Yeah way back in Mar-” 

the rest of his words are cut off by the harsh press of Tony’s lips against his.

(there isn’t much talking after that)

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr saw it first](https://ad1thi.tumblr.com/post/182787859162/prompt-2-with-tony-saying-it-and-maybe-stuckony)  
[my ig](https://www.instagram.com/tcnystcnks/)  
-A


End file.
